Putting the Us in Customer Service

When I was a child, a customer could drive to a petrol or gas station and there would be an attendant available to serve you. They wore a badge with their name on it so you could interact with them on a personal level. They would pump petrol into your car for you, clean your windscreen, check your engine coolant level and perhaps even fix your tyre pressure for you. I remember that my mother would drive to the petrol station that was further away in order to be served. In those days we called it, wait for it… a SERVICE STATION! Yes, you can tell by my tone it’s been a rough week. I’m cussing, I’m cursing… no customer service.

Over time, customer service has been exchanged and eroded. I now serve myself at the grocery store. I scan my own items and have my face scanned in case I am scamming the scanner. Trust has gone out the window along with customer service. Last week I called two government organisations. After waiting over 30 minutes on hold by each, I was then asked a multitude of ID verification questions (a few I had forgotten my answers to). Then, I was told by each to contact the other because neither dealt with the issue I was seeking help with. They were happy to delegate the work to the other, but neither seemed content to communicate with the other, and neither wanted to take responsibility for the issue.

Recently I tried to transfer my mobile phone plan from one company to another. I contacted one telecommunications company and they told me that I had to contact the other company to have my details verified before the transaction could occur. Once I had done this, I could call them back and wait on hold again to finalise the transaction. I felt like I was going around in circles, backwards while blindfolded, befuddled and bemused. Parcels that are supposed to be delivered to my home get automatically re-routed to the local post office because the delivery person can’t be bothered walking up the driveway to knock on my door (time is money to a contractor). Seriously?

My public transport provider is moving to a new card system. To remove my direct debit details from my old obsolete travel card I had to call the transport provider in two separate calls in order to stop the direct debit and then have my credit card details removed. That’s right, they could not do the two requests in one call. I had to call back after an hour so that the system could reboot. When I did call back I was cut off after being placed on hold. When I asked if they would refund the cost of the travel card, they told me that I would need to go to a local train station to hand in the card and have the money refunded in person. Really?

Perhaps the convenience of technology has improved our lives, but the trade-off has been customer service. Grumble. The result is that although the entire transaction may take less time, I am left feeling more frustrated because I am doing all the work. I feel as though I am doing everyone’s jobs for them. My car wouldn’t start properly this week, so I called my roadside assist company. Grumble, grumble. They asked me which company I wanted my car towed to. I told them the name of the company that last serviced my car. I played my part. Now for the service expectation part.

It was a Saturday. They sent a tow truck and when Nick the driver arrived he told me that the repair shop I had chosen was closed on Saturday afternoons. I explained that the roadside assistance representative had booked it in for me and so it must be open, and he gave me one of those looks like, no dummy, they just take the call. So roadside assistance doesn’t really assist? Grumble, grumble, grumble. I stood there blankly with no idea where to send the car. Kindly, the tow truck driver called a friend of his and took the car there himself on the back of his truck. I stayed at home feeling bewildered and bamboozled. What if I had been on the side of a highway? What if it was a Sunday? What the?

Don’t start me on ambulances. If you live in my state, to call an ambulance is free. A basic (life-saving) customer service here. If you live in the state to the south of me, you pay. If you’re in an accident, make sure it’s north of the border or expect to pay a lot more. Speaking of money, banks are transitioning from removing cash from branches. If you want cold hard cash you can’t get it from a bank. So where can you get it? The casino?! I’d probably get some decent service if I went to a casino. Wait, I have to go back to the supermarket and wait for one of the self-serve checkouts that dispense cash? Great, more time at the grocery store. Just what I need. Cue the queues, screaming children, fluorescent lights.

Where can I find some old-fashioned, cut and dry customer service?! Well, it turns out Andy the mechanic who repaired my car specialises in customer service. He even vacuumed the floor and polished my dashboard. No, that’s not a euphemism. Knock me over with a feather. A service provider that actually provides a service?! How is it that I am shocked by a situation that should be a given? I’m pleading with you. If you own a business, or work with customers in a business, please provide proper customer service. I mean, put them on that pedestal. Provide perks. Pander. Placate. It will do you and your business wonders. Yes, I’m giving the should-be servers a serve. And not the soft variety!

I’ve decided to go on a self-serve strike and see what happens. I’m officially on strike.

I’m going to live for a week expecting to receive customer service from businesses and see what happens.

I’m living my own experiment. I am the crash test dummy.

It’s going to be a wild ride readers. Stay tuned.

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